she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize