Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
