i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
