Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need water and some morals
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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