I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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