the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
