I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She bit a glass in half.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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