WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
