We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
