; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
