Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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