i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
