its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
