And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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