i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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