I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
