My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just pee around me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
