Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
