we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
