Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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