And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
