we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
