They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
How does one acquire holy water?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
