You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
