Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
