she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
