how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
