roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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