I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
