My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
