Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
