Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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