If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
