i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize