I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize