great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize