i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
