i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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