apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
