I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
