Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so let's talk penis.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
