Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
