doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
