someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize