Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
