Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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