and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
