this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
