I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
