She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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