yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
