i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
