Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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