Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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