Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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