mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
