Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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