I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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