how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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