paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
