Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
