I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This house was built for laser tag.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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