Where is the hickey?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
