It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
