her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
