sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
