My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
