Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
