my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
