I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
