You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
