Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
