he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
