apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
