Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize