Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
