Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
