They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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