Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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