just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
